4 Signs You’re Ready For A Relationship … Do You KNOW If You Are Ready? ~by David DeAngelo
You won’t road-trip without a travel plan. You won’t pay for a movie unless you know what it’s about.
So here’s the big mystery…
When it comes to the biggest challenge most guys face in life – entering into a long-term RELATIONSHIP – why do so many of us embark on the journey totally unprepared and hoping for the best?
Do we just assume we’re ready (even though we’re pretty much the Walking Dead of emotional and maturity issues)?
Do we KNOW we’re not ready for a relationship but dive in anyway because we’re lonely? Because we’re dependent? Because we feel like we need to be in a relationship just to feel good about ourselves?
The answer is all of the above. And this is not good news…
Reality is, before we can thrive in a fulfilling, enduring, healthy relationship, everything from how we feel about ourselves, to how we deal with challenges, to how we communicate needs to be rock solid.
If it’s not, it needs to be adjusted… even overhauled… before we can successfully share this particular journey with ANY partner.
And like I said… I know you’re the kind of guy who wouldn’t dream of hitting the road unprepared. So here are four signs you need to look for in YOURSELF before setting out on the journey of your next relationship…
Sign #1: Your Baggage Is Handled
No matter what your history with women looks like, I don’t need to be psychic to know you’ve taken on some damage in the past.
Maybe it was just minor fender-benders. Maybe you’ve been in a total wreck. To whatever degree, things have gone wrong. You’ve been disappointed and hurt.
Bring this damage into your next relationship, and you’re already setting things up for the wheels to come off. You’re guaranteed to react to challenges and setbacks in ways that are dysfunctional or even a downright disaster… and fail again.
If you’re ready for relationship, you’ll diagnose and repair this damage NOW before jumping into a new relationship. You’ll take a close, honest look at your issues, from stuff you’re in denial about to the things that trigger you.
If you know deep down that you’re jealous… nit-picky… needy and dependent… go ahead and knock yourself out dating. But you’ll need to work on this stuff BEFORE even thinking about a new relationship.
If you don’t, you’ll slip right back into old patterns of getting upset, frustrated, and generally sabotaging yourself in love.
Sign #2: Your “Exit Doors” Are Secure
It may happen years, months, even weeks into a relationship, but it’s inevitable… the thought eventually crosses our mind, maybe just for a moment…
“Maybe I need to get OUT of this relationship.”
So be prepared for it. Accept that these feelings are likely to come, and be ready for them. Have a plan to deal with the urge to bolt that doesn’t involve blind-siding your partner… or going into “avoidance mode” and shutting down on her.
Of course, if things are really bad and you’re miserable, maybe it’s reasonable to think about an exit strategy.
But, more likely, you’re experiencing a “trough”… natural feelings of irritation, boredom, or restlessness with a relationship that come over time… and then usually disappear just as quickly.
If you’re ready for relationship, you’ll know how to identify this as a natural part of the relationship cycle. Then, instead going straight to the nuclear option, you’ll take action to head off trouble by calming down, chilling out, or spicing things up… and knowing this, too, shall pass.
I know confrontation can be difficult, even for guys who are total bad-asses in other areas of life.
That’s why, especially when it comes to the challenges and road-blocks in a relationship, it takes practice, focus and intention to remain “present” and confront problems instead of blindly counter-attacking or avoiding them.
If you’re ready for relationship, you know how to come out with a deeper, more intimate, more fulfilling relationship on the other side by developing the strength and confidence to hang in, listen, and communicate your emotions to a woman instead of trying to deny them.
If you know how to do just this much, you come across as a one-in-a-million “real man” to a great woman… the rare “relationship-ready” guy who knows how to keep listening, keep their cool, and keep communicating in the moment, no matter what obstacles crop up.
Which brings us to the most powerful sign of all that you’re ready for a relationship…
Sign #4: You Can Navigate Your Emotions
Like any trip from A to B, knowing how to navigate an intimate relationship is a skill… one that can be mastered through practice.
But let’s face it… most guys aren’t comfortable confronting and dealing with emotions…
Isn’t it easier to just sit down and watch show?
Even worse, when we DO get down into the weeds and deal with our emotions, we’re likely to default straight to “attack mode,” getting defensive rather than hearing and responding to our partner.
If you’re a man who’s ready for a relationship, you PRACTICE THIS whenever you feel triggered by your partner.
After that snarky comment… that moment of ingratitude… that jealous look… you take a breath and “hold space,” neither retreating nor attacking. You remain open and communicate exactly what you’re feeling without becoming defensive, aggressive, or “smuggling in” other complaints that have nothing to do with the issue at hand.
This can be a as simple as saying “I’m feeling angry right now because…” And, with practice, you keep getting better at it… and then feel blown away by how your partner responds to your maturity and power to navigate relationship challenges.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that, once you have this stuff handled, you’ll look back at all the failures you’ve experienced in past relationships and wonder… how did I screw things up so badly?
It’s an amazing feeling.
And, as always, I’m all about giving you that feeling in every aspect of your love life and relationship.
Once you have it, you’ll never settle for anything less.